i sleep with electric guitars

home

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 00:56:21 GMT

i really cant deal with coming home. i miss my mom and everything i once had so much but at the same time i lose it when i am forced to watch it fall apart. i cant watch my grandmother disintigrate. all i do is cry. i know theyre my grandparents and everything but you need to understand that i grew up having them as parents in addition to my mother, obviously. and she says it will happen to her too.

rent was awesome

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 04:59:50 GMT

dear world,
throw me a bone?
magnets? portals? apparation?
i need something to keep me hanging on.

please.

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 00:44:13 GMT

i really wish one of my parents was into music and that they would take me to go see paul mccartney or the rolling stones or springsteen or dylan (e. all of the above). cause it costs too much money to go on my own, and dang! do i want a free t-shirt.

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 23:27:27 GMT

how did i do this to myself again?

why must love always come hand in hand with pain

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 19:04:20 GMT

crushed, do i have a lemon for that?

sincerely

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 05:37:14 GMT

i just got an email from a guy i used to like. used to like. USED TO. a long, long time ago. when i was a wee girl. and he was way older than me. and he signed the letter with, get this... wanna make out. not love, not miss you, not sincerely but wanna make out? WHAT THE FUCK?!

other such highlights include "lets keep in touch until we can touch"

Q: How's your boyfriend? A: In Australia.

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 21:58:19 GMT

Free personality analysis from ColorQuiz.com.
Generated on Sat Mar 26 13:55:20 2005.

Your Existing Situation
Active, outgoing, and restless. Feels frustrated by the slowness with which events develop along the desired lines. This leads to irritability, changeability, and lack of persistence when pursuing a given objective.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.

Your Desired Objective
Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which she can blend. Responsive to anything esthetic and tasteful.

Your Actual Problem
Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling her to free herself of the worry that she may be prevented from achieving all the things she wants.

Your Actual Problem #2
Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 01:08:54 GMT

i guess i just outgrew razor blades

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 06:19:25 GMT

ive always kind of been a masochist. its true. but ive been doing a lot of thinking recently just about my current situation and why i do the things i do and i had a bit of a realization. basically i found the most excruciatingly painful way to hurt myself on a daily, even moment to moment basis. i dont know whether i am in this relationship because i believe i need to suffer or whether i have stayed in this relationship because i need to suffer. this sounds way dramatic but what really is worse than being completely and totally in love with someone only to get to see them every few months. months. not days not weeks. but several months. i left australia at the end of january and gareth isnt coming here until the end of may. it fucking kills but does that only means its real? hes always saying that we wouldnt have met and have everything we have unless it was meant to be but ive lost my faith even in that. i really just dont get it anymore and i dont know if i should/can stop. why am i doing this to myself? love isnt a phone call once or twice a week. or maybe what i mean is i cant have it just be that. i need someone everyday. by no means does any of this change my feelings towards gareth, i just think im starting to change the way i feel about myself. maybe i dont deserve this. most people consider long distance to be a few hours, where you can spend the weekends together or at least every couple weeks. im sorry that this makes absolutely no sense. and now all i can think of is that bob dylan song, lovesick.

and a bit by me:
bisect the earth for what its worth
half the world away is just too far
and i cant live with half a heart.
(imagine with jangly guitars)

Voldemort cant stop the rock!

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 04:46:14 GMT

or go here
http://www.frozenreality.co.uk/comic/bunny/index.php?id=179

best comic ever

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 20:15:37 GMT

go here

http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=72

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 00:39:50 GMT

my heart wears a helmet

dumb boys who love you 'cause they don't know better say,
"you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen."
and i get embarrassed on their behalf,
because i know that i have acted like that...
you are the talk of the town that's been silent for years,
a sound that fell suddenly on covered ears -
you could have anyone, at any time, forany reason.
you could have anyone at anytime for any small reason,
the options are endless and endlessly boring -
but you only want the one who doesn't really want you...
you only want the one you will never have.
just like baseball, and jesus, and halloween,
you are a phase that now means very little to me;
like baseball and jesus and halloween
you're someone i wonder why i ever knew...
just like baseball and jesus and halloween
you are a phase that i think i outgrew,
but you are the most...
you are the most beautiful phase i ever went through.
and i've got you out of my mind
and i've got you out of my sight
and i've got you out of my heart
and out of my life.
and i've got you in some photos that i don't care to look at
and i've got you in a jar locked away in my attic.
and i've got you out of my system -
bet you didn't think i could do it
and i'm finally my own person
and my heart wears a helmet...
and i've got you out of my system, got you out of my system,
got you out of my system almost entirely.
and i'm finally my own person, i am finally a real person,
one who has got you out of his system almost entirely.
and you cannot bring me down, though i don't doubt you will try,
you cannot bring me down any lower.
and you should really be proud - i can tell that you're proud.
you are the talk of the town on a slow day.
and i'll never let this happen again, no, i'll never let it.
starting today, my heart wears a helmet.
dumb boys who love you 'cause they don't know better say,
"you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen."
and i've said this myself once before this is true,
but i've said no shortage of dumb things to you.

look! my lemon's a pirate!

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 04:17:45 GMT

SinEnrgyx: im having a hard enough time having an imaginary boyfriend, i cant talk to real people
MissMelodramaxx: imaginary?
SinEnrgyx: gareth doesnt really exist does he?? my doctors convinced me he was part of a psychotic break
MissMelodramaxx: lol
MissMelodramaxx: uh... sasha?
MissMelodramaxx: don't know how to break this to you...
SinEnrgyx: wait! hes not real?!
MissMelodramaxx: did you really think that hair could be possible
SinEnrgyx: damn it! theyve got to up my dosage

wowee zowee!

Sat, 30 Oct 2004 21:46:50 GMT

hi

im a geek

but my heart still belongs to sm

i heart pavement!

Sat, 09 Oct 2004 16:54:08 GMT

ok who thinks aneurysm is the coolest nirvana song ever?

me too.

im replacing my heart with the state-of-the-art vocal recording... never breaks, never aches.

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 23:23:47 GMT

re-reading my last post i figured there were a few things i should update my online life about. i did go out in the giant aforementioned school bus with the rest of the desperately in need of alcohol camp counslers and amazingly enough i managed to be the first person wasted. 4pm and at the Maine Mall i had already downed 4 vodka tonics. but the important piece of information from all of this is that i managed to come out of this evening with a fucking awesome boyfriend. yeah. uh-huh.
his name is gareth and hes from australia.

soltero is awesome, i just ordered the new album, hopefully it will arrive sooner rather than later.

camp is almost over and im getting sick of maine. there are bugs here and its cold. however, i just got accepted to work at a program for gay and lesbian adults directly after camp which is going to be an amazing experience. also there is a B grade horror flick being filmed here directly after gay camp, which i have been asked to have a bit part in. im still debating whether or not i want to pretend to be killed by a deranged lunatic.

ill be back in boston for the warped tour on the 20th (dont ask!) and then back for good a couple days before the begining of september to move.

if i know you then i miss you.

so im in maine, in case anyone was wondering where i was

Mon, 21 Jun 2004 03:47:16 GMT

things have been a bit slow so far up here, its been pretty cold and ive been sleeping beneath two sleeping bags. the management forbid us to drink until thursday when they take us all out in a giant school bus to portland and everyone drinks until they are way beyond drunk. cant wait. ive already gotten in trouble once for oversleeping and im sure it wont be the last time. i cant wake up at 8 am, who are they kidding? there is a great lack of attractive members of the opposite sex this summer which is slightly disappointing. the end.

write me please!

481 Brownfield Road
Porter ME 04068

break out the champagne and cigars

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 23:53:14 GMT

this afternoon my roommate laura had a little baby girl, her name is abigail noel and hopefully ill get to see her before i leave tomorrow. congratulations!

for anyone who doesnt know ill be away all summer in maine like i was last summer, teaching kids how to play guitar.

hopefully it will be awesome.
ill miss everyone and the paradise very much.
cant wait to start feeling again.

when life gives you lemonade... fuck lemons.

Sun, 23 May 2004 01:32:21 GMT

after a very unfortunate accident with the aforementioned sweetly sour beverage, i was left with an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and emptiness.

existence is suffering
suffering is caused by desire

i went to see david byrne last night. i had backstage passes and everything but there isnt much of a backstage area at the berklee center so i didnt get to meet mr talking head himself. however, he did play an insane amount of great songs, including naive melody, psychokiller, and life during wartime. tim got me the set list if anyone is extra interested. free shows are the best, awesome free shows are the bestest.

i violated employment rule #289. do not exchange carnal knowledge with fellow employees. bad bad bad bad bad. not the experience, just the concept, its like having coat check open in the middle of may... just stupid.

Thu, 20 May 2004 06:00:29 GMT

cause your empty and im (completely) empty

this is funny

Sat, 15 May 2004 17:11:01 GMT

pictures make people happy! (i think)

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 06:43:30 GMT

a couple pictures of my friends and then a couple ones i was thinking of as a lj pic,,,

thats it.

natan looking his nataniest

boobies and beer! tazzaniak!

me? beh!

zoe is ________ than me. its like a madlib. woooo misfits.

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 07:17:11 GMT

sasha needs a hug.

im going to see elvis costello tonight...

Fri, 27 Feb 2004 16:23:22 GMT

and you're not!

haha!

(well unless you're sarianna, who is going with me.)

everybody like tha mooooon!

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 18:23:43 GMT

http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song