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i sleep with electric guitars' Journal  i really cant deal with coming home. i miss my mom and everything i once had so much but at the same time i lose it when i am forced to watch it fall apart. i cant watch my grandmother disintigrate. all i do is cry. i know theyre my grandparents and everything but you need to understand that i grew up having them as parents in addition to my mother, obviously. and she says it will happen to her too. rent was awesome dear world, throw me a bone? magnets? portals? apparation? i need something to keep me hanging on. please. i really wish one of my parents was into music and that they would take me to go see paul mccartney or the rolling stones or springsteen or dylan (e. all of the above). cause it costs too much money to go on my own, and dang! do i want a free t-shirt. how did i do this to myself again? why must love always come hand in hand with pain crushed, do i have a lemon for that? Current mood:  i do!.
i just got an email from a guy i used to like. used to like. USED TO. a long, long time ago. when i was a wee girl. and he was way older than me. and he signed the letter with, get this... wanna make out. not love, not miss you, not sincerely but wanna make out? WHAT THE FUCK?! other such highlights include "lets keep in touch until we can touch" Current mood:  nauseated.
Free personality analysis from ColorQuiz.com. Generated on Sat Mar 26 13:55:20 2005. Your Existing Situation Active, outgoing, and restless. Feels frustrated by the slowness with which events develop along the desired lines. This leads to irritability, changeability, and lack of persistence when pursuing a given objective. Your Stress Sources Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others. Your Restrained Characteristics Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being. Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants. Your Desired Objective Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which she can blend. Responsive to anything esthetic and tasteful. Your Actual Problem Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling her to free herself of the worry that she may be prevented from achieving all the things she wants. Your Actual Problem #2 Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem. Current mood:  silly.Current music: check 1,2 check check 1 2 1 pssssss. ive always kind of been a masochist. its true. but ive been doing a lot of thinking recently just about my current situation and why i do the things i do and i had a bit of a realization. basically i found the most excruciatingly painful way to hurt myself on a daily, even moment to moment basis. i dont know whether i am in this relationship because i believe i need to suffer or whether i have stayed in this relationship because i need to suffer. this sounds way dramatic but what really is worse than being completely and totally in love with someone only to get to see them every few months. months. not days not weeks. but several months. i left australia at the end of january and gareth isnt coming here until the end of may. it fucking kills but does that only means its real? hes always saying that we wouldnt have met and have everything we have unless it was meant to be but ive lost my faith even in that. i really just dont get it anymore and i dont know if i should/can stop. why am i doing this to myself? love isnt a phone call once or twice a week. or maybe what i mean is i cant have it just be that. i need someone everyday. by no means does any of this change my feelings towards gareth, i just think im starting to change the way i feel about myself. maybe i dont deserve this. most people consider long distance to be a few hours, where you can spend the weekends together or at least every couple weeks. im sorry that this makes absolutely no sense. and now all i can think of is that bob dylan song, lovesick. and a bit by me: bisect the earth for what its worth half the world away is just too far and i cant live with half a heart. (imagine with jangly guitars) Current mood: crushed.
or go here http://www.frozenreality.co.uk/comic/bu Current music: bunny bunny bunny bunny panda!. |
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